A person never knows what they’re into,
Till they feel like they’re up against
I’ve got an invisible battlefield going on these days
And though I can hear the screamin’ and the
Splattering, the pleading, … and then … laugh of
The conqueror. I mean, I’m invisible
And I find no place to turn
Innocent pets shriek wherever I put my feet
And I wander from corner to corner, from room to room,
From bed to mirror, from challenge to cowering denial,
All in a single spinning dream in that lasts forever
Hating what I am for seeing what I could have been
Loving those who are free of this nausea and disgrace
I can see but I can’t do
I can hear but I can’t see
I know my name but I never want to say it
Or hear it said
I manage to contaminate 100 people a day, and all of
Them thinking that I know something
And they’re right, I do
But the joke is, I learned it 20 years ago
And I haven’t sweated in a moment’s labor since
Just layin’ here with my hands crossed over my chest
And my eyes closed
My sleep, deep and driving me like a nail
Deeper into another exhaustion
I see ya, all of ya
Hopeful, courageous, still a little naive
Innocent in efforts center
Gonna fail ya, anex all of ya
And take your lives down a dark stream
Where there’s no comfort and less air
Until your lungs collapse and your eyes bulge
And you look down and see me watchin’ from a distance
It looks safe, but it’s really only a small place
In a hell that avoided you
But until then, you’re all peakin’
Yeah, on top of it
Risky and threatened with ruin and unconcern
I don’t know, like a, like a boat or somethin’
You’re standin’ the prowl
Lash to the anger housing and having your
Conversation interrupted but not perterbed
With those intermittencies
Reasonal reyune and cold foam
And I hear ya
I mean the words are just audible
No words that I want to send
Loud-ended whispers and always meanin’ the same
Freedom that you keep so close to your heart
Fuck it
That’s all ya say
And I can see the strain of the effort
Cause most of your blue lips
You’re absolutely nonchalant hero’s the very best kind
Your efforts aren’t wasted
I mean, there’s many, many signs of approval
But there are drowned out seeds of
Exploding around you
And sure there’s somethin’ that passes for life
And there is life
Are you are livin’, and I think you get energy
From the people stand for who you are
And describing and copying for themselves
What you’re not
And when others get you wrong, it doesn’t seem
To bother you at first sight
And when you seem to have the capacity to say
‘It’s their problem.’
Not that its inhuman to believe
To me, I knew the whole thing backwards
That need to elevate
That tendency to build up
Because, we know what wrong with him
So I find the nearest dog shit to step in,
Gum to sit on, or horrible belch to burp like,
Like a compulsion
I can’t stand for anyone to be more awkward,
Self-hateful, stupid, or inappropriate than I am
But it’s only a defense because with most of them,
I don’t care
Not a bit
In fact, I’m ashamed to admit that the
Act of fuckin’ them, confusin’ them, and makin’ them
Feel superior to me
Is my most malicious act
Knock me down, and get zero
Back to nowhere
And there’s my method of abuse for the deserved
Mistrust and repulsion that I feel for about
99% of the psychological and spiritual lives of most
Of my brothers and sisters
Dog shit, gum, and bad air
The problem is, it ends a big fuckin’ problem
The problem’s being with that the ones we find and love
I mean, it’s nearly suicidal
Because to those you love, 99% of the time
You’re in practice of dodging and distorting yourself
I mean, you miss the switch
When you’re … with the ones you love
And, and then, the train rolls right past
And then you begin to lack the skills that
Make sense to those you care about
You get uncool
You get self-destructive, in a
Viciously, painful way
Too much, and too little at the same time
I mean, you tell a friend not to hold his breath
So, I mean, like I said
A person doesn’t know what they’re into,
Until they know what they’re up against
Figured all this out, right here
Took me a couple days
And I’ll always feel so shitty trying to
Communicate to anyone I love
Long distance, short distance
And I’ve learned to stand aside and
Stay quiet most of the time
So, I guess you know what I’m sayin’
Being there in my life,
Even if it is justified
I mean, when you examine the people around us
So with you, and with those I have,
And those I will have, hell.
They’re the last people I would ever
Want to see me like this