A plane full of celebrities
Has crash landed in the jungle
So prepare the Turbo-Copter
We are coming to the rescue
Giant pygmies have captured
The most talented people on earth
Brad Pitt, Keanu Reeves
And Antony Worrall Thompson!
We land in a clearing deep in the jungle
And load our guns
The Pygmies have already started eating
Samuel L. Jackson and Terry Wogan
We fight, fight for the right
To be famous without being eaten
Fuck you all you cannibals
You mother fuckers
You won’t eat us
Tonight you dine on death
In Satan’s kitchen
There’ll be no leftovers left
After this Jungle Mission
We sneak up on the Pygmy camp
Whilst they’re feasting on Anthony Hopkins
Which is rather ironic seeing as in his films
He was eating all those other people (fuck yeah!)
You wanna eat these superstars
Try eating lead from my Uzi
We gun down a dozen Pygmies
As they tuck into George Clooney
We let ’em have it
Show no mercy
Kill them all
You cannot make an hor d’oeuvre out of
Willie Nelsons balls
We fight, fight for the right
To be famous without being eaten
Fuck you all you cannibals
You mother fuckers
You won’t eat us
Tonight you dine on death
In Satan’s kitchen
There’ll be no leftovers left
After this Jungle Mission
Hillary Clinton and William Shatner
Their lives are saved
Politicians and ageing actors
Will not perish in flames
Upon a jungle barbeque
Nigel Mansell we will rescue you
John Travolta we’re coming to save ya
We’re not just men
We are Turbo-Laser!
Our enemies vanquished
The mission accomplished
Return to base
No one should ever eat a celebrity
No matter how good they taste
We fight, fight for the right
To be famous without being eaten
Fuck you all you cannibals
You mother fuckers
You won’t eat us
Tonight you dine on death
In Satan’s kitchen
There’ll be no leftovers left
After this Jungle Mission