[Verse 1: Elsie]
I admit that, in the past, I’ve been a nasty
They weren’t kidding when they called me kinda strange
But you’ll find that nowadays
I’ve mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a change
Yes
And I, fortunately, know a little magic
It’s a talent that I always have possessed
My dear lady, please don’t laugh
I use it on behalf of the miserable, lonely, and depressed
Pathetic
Come on, you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead, make your choice!
I’m a very busy person
And I haven’t got all day
It won’t cost much
Just your voice!
You’ve got to pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
Go ahead and sign the scroll!
Look out, world, here I’ve got her now
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soul
Beluga, sevruga
Come winds of the Caspian Sea
Larengix glaucitis
Et max laryngitis
La voce to me
Now, sing
Keep singing
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them? Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to me crying
“Will you help us, pretty please?”
And I help them! Yes, I do
Those poor unfortunate souls